In the ever-evolving world of parenting advice, few topics spark as much curiosity—and controversy—as the idea of asking for a baby’s consent during routine care. Recently, an Australian sexuality educator, Deanne Carson, reignited global debate when she suggested that parents begin modeling consent from infancy—even during diaper changes.
At first glance, the concept can sound puzzling. After all, babies cannot talk, reason, or grant permission in any conventional sense. So what does it really mean to “ask for consent” when changing a diaper? Is this a practical tool for raising respectful children, or an example of parenting culture gone too far?
Let’s unpack the idea, the intention behind it, and what experts say it truly involves.
Where the Idea Came From
The concept gained widespread attention after Carson discussed “a culture of consent” in an interview with Australia’s ABC News. Her message was not that infants are capable of informed consent, but rather that parents can begin modeling respectful communication from birth.
According to Carson, parents might say something like:
“I’m going to change your diaper now.”
“Is that okay?”
“I’m wiping you now.”
Then, even though the baby cannot verbally respond, the parent pauses briefly, makes eye contact, and observes the child’s body language.
To some, this sounded revolutionary. To others, it sounded unnecessary—or even absurd. Social media amplified the reactions, often stripping the nuance from the original suggestion.
What “Consent” Means in This Context
It’s important to clarify: this approach is not about granting babies authority to refuse necessary care. A diaper must still be changed. Hygiene and health come first.
Instead, the underlying philosophy is about:
Teaching bodily autonomy early
Modeling respectful communication
Helping children associate touch with explanation and predictability
Consent education advocates argue that children learn relational patterns long before they can articulate them. The tone of voice, the rhythm of interaction, and the consistency of communication all shape how they later understand boundaries.
In this framework, asking “permission” is symbolic. It signals: “Your body is yours. I respect it.”
Why Some Experts Support the Idea
Developmental psychologists emphasize that babies are highly attuned to emotional cues. Even newborns respond to facial expressions and tone.
When a caregiver narrates actions—“I’m picking you up now,” “I’m cleaning you”—it can:
Reduce startle responses
Increase predictability
Foster secure attachment
Build early communication pathways
This is similar to techniques used in respectful parenting approaches, such as those inspired by Magda Gerber, who encouraged caregivers to treat infants as whole people with awareness and dignity.
Research in early childhood development consistently shows that children thrive in environments where caregivers are responsive and communicative. Narration during caregiving is already widely recommended; framing it as “consent culture” is what sparked controversy.
